Today on TITCFTIHEH: Having your own stalker.

Yeah that's right, I have my own stalker. Do you? Didn't think so. Yet another reason why I'm awesome.

Anyway, a little preface first I guess. e-stalking isn't a new phenomenon, if you go after the right person it can be fairly easy to get some details that they probably wouldn't want you having. Particular parts of the Internet get quite a bit of laughs out of tracking down all the details of someone just from a picture (which continually impresses me). My particular stalker had a bit of an easier time because my surname isn't exactly common, and it was easy to get my full name, partly because of carelessness, and partly because of the power of the Internets. I'm not exactly sure why he's doing it, or if he's joking, but it's fairly funny, so I thought I might post the story up... or maybe I'm doing it just in case I mysteriously disappear...

Bit more information... I regularly post on the Games.on.net forums (you'll see why this matters in a bit), and I usually voice my opinion (hurr durr Internets keyboard warrior etc), and I knew I annoyed some people, but obviously not as much as I thought, seeing as someone decided to track my address down to scare me... or something. 

Also, recently there has been a few posts by an anonymous Devil's Advocate (DA) on a few gaming-related topics. They are basically taking an opposite point of view to gamers to stimulate discussion. A few haters haven't liked the posts, and called them trolls (which they aren't... but I won't go into that right now), and I haven't agreed they are trolls, and suggested they fuck off if they are going to say such retarded shit (I know, I'm so tough).

IRC is Internet Relay Chat. It's like MSN chat but with (usually) more people, and more old school. This isn't completely necessary to understand, but it helps. All times are ACST.

So I came home from doing something on a beautiful Thursday afternoon and found this email.

_____________________________________________________

From: Hugo Miller

To: the.skitzor@gmail.com

Date: Thu, Jul 8, 2010 at 3:36 PM

Subject: I know who you are adrian

Adrian *my surname*

I know everything

The internet is a great place for information

I shall be coming.

to *my street name*

Who am I?

I'm from Games.on.net

Keep watching irc ;)

_____________________________________________________

At this point I was wondering if it was a joke, or someone actually cared enough about me (nawww) to find my name and address out. I also wondered what he was going to do on IRC, and why he thought overusing the enter key was some kind of gateway to being awesome. So I replied.

_____________________________________________________

Adrian to Hugo, 5:57 PM Thursday 8th July.

if you aren't going to tell me when you're coming around, i can't guarantee cold beer.

_____________________________________________________

He didn't reply to this for a few days so I thought it was over. Then I got this.

Hugo to Adrian, 5:30 PM Thursday 15th July.

You fucking stoner cunt!

Go get a fucking life. Drugs fucking kill.

Prove me wrong bitch, prove me wrong.

DA is fucking trolling. You got told hard mother fucker

I know where you live.

And I'm still coming.

Keep watching the IRC

My first thought was, "is this guy mad enough", I had offered him a friendly beer and he calls me a cunt, how rude. Then I started to wonder why he was so mad, and then I wondered what I was going to make for dinner. The answers were, probably, don't know, and a pasta bake. And then I remembered the time I got someone mad because I posted this marijuana-related image...

http://hailmaryjane.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/weed.jpg (I won't do a proper image link because it's fucking massive)

The page it started on is here, http://games.on.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=2302765#p2302765 . Now I don't know if the guy who I got mad is sending these emails, but I doubt it.

So he's mad about me providing evidence as to why marijuana isn't as bad as some people would like you to think it is, and because I was saying the DA articles weren't trolls (which they aren't). I find it funny that it seems like someone got so offended by my posts they started emailing me anonymously, seemingly trying to scare me. To be completely honest, it is a bit disconcerting knowing that someone on the Internet has your address, because I know there are some fucked up people out there.

I replied.

_____________________________________________________

Adrian to Hugo, 6:32 PM Thursday 15th July.

rather than beer, do you want me to keep some marijuana on hand so we can smoke a doobie together? i should be able to refrain some smoking a few buds so there's some left for whenever you show up.

don't worry about bringing your own, i know a guy.

_____________________________________________________

Is it a good idea to aggravate him more?... I don't really know. Probably not. Seems fairly funny right now, but when I am hanging upside down in some abandoned warehouse naked, with cuts all over my body and watching him out of the corner of my blood-filled eyes, cackling manically, mumbling to himself about how he fucking showed me, I'll probably regret it.

His reply was more prompt this time,

_____________________________________________________ 

Hugo to Adrian, 6:58 PM Thursday 15th July

Don't worry, it will take me a while

From google maps it says

Driving directions to *my address*  - 1,383 km – about 17 hours 3 mins

However if I walk there it takes me even longer 11 days 6 hours

What do you know about pot? Why smoke for?

I do like beer though, I say put it on in another 11 days and 5 hours.

Did you know Trinity did not shoot Deb and her ex

It was his daughter Chrisine

Why? Because they were getting close to Trinity.

Deb also finds out about dexter

And you also know Trinity kills dexters wife

_____________________________________________________

So from this email I have determined, from a few hours of extremely intense brainstorming I reached the conclusion that he can indeed use the Internet, specifically google maps. The other thing I discovered was he was going to arrive at around 1 AM in the morning, and I thought this showed his intense dedication to his (slightly weird) cause. A person who can use the Internet AND has dedication... just fucking kill me now.

He also actually assumes I smoke pot, which is nice. I wish I was cool enough to smoke marijuana. 

Those last few lines are of him spoiling Dexter for me (a television series). This is another thing from the games.on.net forums, as some guy spoiled one of the main twists of the very last episode in some random discussion, and as I haven't finished the series yet, I got a bit teary about it and posted about my aforementioned tears. 'Cause seriously, you don't just go fucking spoiling shit without using hidden tags, bro ! What's the point in finishing the series if it's been fucking spoiled (sadface) ! However, I don't see the point in him spoiling it again. This may mean he isn't all that smart, so maybe I still have a chance.

Whilst writing this post I emailed him back,

_____________________________________________________ 

Adrian to Hugo 7:47 PM Thursday 15th July

smoking the reefer is sooo cool brah, you should try it some time.

as for the beer, according to the time i received the email, 11 days and 5 hours from the delivery time is around midnight. this doesn't work for me as it's way past my bed time. maybe i'll do it the day before.

_____________________________________________________

So that's the story up to 8:01 PM Thursday 15th July. I'll (probably) keep my readers informed of what's going on eventually, because I know everyone really cares about it, right?

Today on TITCFTIHEH: Me.

Fuck I'm good.

Today on TITCFTIHEH: Inspiring and transcendent lyrical genius

My first love broke my heart for the first time,
And I was like
Baby, baby, baby, ohhh
Like baby, baby, baby, noo
Like baby, baby, baby, ohh
I thought you'd always be mine mine.

Baby, baby, baby, ohh
Like baby, baby, baby, noo
Like baby, baby, baby, ohh
I thought youd always be mine, mine (oh oh).

Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be be be be imma imma be
Imma be be be be imma imma be
Imma be be be be imma imma be

Today on TITCFTIHEH: Conservapedia

Since I started this blog, I have been thinking whether I should delve into the issues of crazy Republicans, or the epitomy of craziness that is Religion. I know my feelings on both the topics are maddening enough that I would end up spending way too much time writing the article, and it wouldn't come out very well. But alas, I have found a way to address to batshit insane Republicans without ranting too much, and it comes in the form of an internet page called "Conservapedia". Basically, it has a Wikipedia layout and feeling, but the articles are "without liberal bias", and are written from the perspective of Conservatism and Christian religion. Conservatives and Religion in the same place? Holy shit, are we going to create some fucking universes with the craziness?

This is what I get when I googled Big Bang. I guess crazy ideas smashing together could create this.

Bit of background: In 2006, a lawyer and social studies teacher named Andrew Schlafly thought that Wikipedia contained way too many lies and was too liberal for his liking. He has been quoted saying that Wikipedia was "liberal, anti-Christian and anti-American". This patriotic soul couldn't stand for this, and decided to do something about it. He made Conservapedia. On the surface it seems like an alright idea... until you actually read Wikipedia articles. They just aren't liberal. I think Andrew is confusing the definition of liberal. I also think a few other people gets confused with this as well. I think he thinks it means something that is more left than him, which it isn't. (FYI, left is liberal, right is conservative. In America the Republicans are classed as in the right, and Democrats to the left. In Australia our Liberal party is slightly to the right, and Labor is slightly to the left).

Andrew Schlafly makes stupid websites and doesn't afraid of anything.

Conservapedia caught my attention because, in my opinion, it is an extremely good analogy for American Conservatives on the whole. Here we have a group of people that denies everyone elses reality because they don't believe it's true. Do you think God created the Earth 6000 years ago? Fuck evolution, Hitler believed in it. Do you want more people to notice you? Complain that everything else in the media has liberal bias. Don't agree with someone? Subtly add lies into every fucking thing you say to discredit them, preferably comparing them to Hitler along the way.

Conservapedia: We love young boys "reading" our material.

Fox News is (un?)surprisingly similar to Conservapedia. Fox news has their "Fair and Balanced" slogan, which couldn't be further than the truth. They say every other media outlet is too liberal, and they are the middle ground. When you have fuck tards like Glenn Beck calling Obama a racist, you can't claim to be Fair and Balanced. Similarly, Conservpedia's slogan is "The Trustworthy Encyclopedia". This may well be true if the articles weren't mostly bullshit (and not badly written), but they are both.

 I didn't write that lies bit, but it's true.

Whilst you read my examples of the cluster fuck that is Conservapedia, keep in mind that Schlafly prides himself on saying that Conservapedia is full of facts, has no gossip, and is concise. I had a look for a few articles that I thought would highlight the sheer arsefuck retardedness of the site, here is what I came up with.

http://www.conservapedia.com/Essay:Examples_of_Moronic_Vandalism_by_the_%22tolerant%22

I find this page hilarious because Conservapedia seems to be going for the whole holier than thou thing, and they crap out a page like this. They make it seem like internet trolls are a brand new invention, and they only target Conservapedia. It's almost as if they are taking these few comments from these trolls and using it as proof why liberals are evil. You don't have to be a liberal to see how retarded this whole site is.

Talking about evil liberals, it is interesting to see how they discredit anything and anyone they don't like. Don't agree with something/someone? Add sections on their ties to bad things on their page. For example, these articles.

http://www.conservapedia.com/Liberal

http://www.conservapedia.com/Evolution

Liberals are uncharitable, and Hitler believed in evolution. Well played Conservapedia. There are other examples of this around the site, just search for anything to do with liberalness and you will find a bunch of conservatists rants trying to discredit them. Another good example of this is Richard Dawkins' (famous atheist) page. Full of stories about how much he hates puppies.

Another tactic used is not putting everything there. For example, look at the pages on Rush Limbaugh on Wikipedia and Conservapedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rush_limbaugh
http://www.conservapedia.com/Rush_Limbaugh

Notice anything? I do. The Wikipedia has a decent section controversies (fair enough, this guy has said some crazy shit), and Conservapedia doesn't. Simply put, they don't want to make their God, Rush Limbaugh, look bad, so they just omit the shit out of the facts. Called Obama a "magic negro", fuck off, that doesn't need mentioning. Other pages where I found this were abstinence, Sarah Palin's famous "death panels", and a bit on birthers.

http://www.conservapedia.com/Abstinence

They make out abstinence out to be some miracle tactic to stop AIDS, and pregnancy. I don't doubt it stops pregnancy when the teenagers actually practice abstinence. But they just don't. Studies have shown that more teenagers actually get pregnant when they are taught religious and conservative values (abstinence). Does the Conservapedia page say this? Of course not.

 Oh abstinence, you so funny.

http://www.conservapedia.com/Obamacare

A paragraph from the article: "Some critics, including former Vice-Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin, have accused Obama of planning on setting up 'Death Panels' to judge the worthiness and 'cost effectiveness' of keeping certain people alive, such as senior citizens."

Yes, serial bullshit artist Sarah Palin claims that Obama's new healthcare plan will introduce "death panels", which are panels of people that will tell old people when they will be dying because we don't want them, and disabled children whether they are allowed to live. But this is simply not fucking true. Blatant lie. Does Conservapedia address this? Of course not. Funny thing is, when Palin was governor of Alaska, she pushed the same thing she is calling "death panels" (end of life counselling). Got a raging case of Ballzheimers here.

Does Conservapedia address the fact that Sarah Palin doesn't have any real opinions or values, and that she is just a talking point machine? No. The way the Conservative talking points dribble out of her semi-pretty mouth is actually quite astounding when you take out the meaningless (and usually incomprehensible) bits and condense the points she actually attempts to make. Her followers are the same things. Empty shells. See here. It would be a funny joke if she didn't have any followers; the sort of thing you mention when you're chilling at the water cooler, but she does, and that just makes it scary. Anyway... bit off topic.

"I can't just make shit up? Oh well."

What about birthers (people that believe Obama wasn't born in America)? Naturally it mentions them, but doesn't actually address the facts or evidence. It says that Obama was "allegedly" born in Hawaii. Yeah, because a birth certificate, pictures of the birth, and anntry congratulating his mother on the birth in an Hawaiin newspaper isn't enough evidence to prove those crazy motherfuckers are wrong. Yet another example of the reality Conservatives create themselves when they don't agree with you. For some people who aren't in power, this doesn't matter. But when these cunt bags have actual power, people should be worried.

And what about the article on racism, something close to the hearts of Conservatives (in the way that they keep the desire to kill all non-whites close to their hearts)?

http://www.conservapedia.com/Racism


Bam. These guys have balls. Don't address any claims of Conservatives being racist, attack your opponents for being racist. They even go so far as to say Obama is a racist. If you're going to make shit up, might as well do it with the largest, steeliest balls you can muster.

 Giant. Honking. Balls.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Ballzheimers

Ballzheimers. The ability to attack someone for something that you have done. Good example is when Dick Cheney attacks Obama for doing the things that Bush and Cheney did. Conservapedia has a mad case of ballzheimers to claim Wikipedia is biased and is full of crap, when they have some of the largest nuggets of rotting, rancid crap I have ever read. I can't help but laugh at how delusional some of these people must be.

I almost feel sorry for them (Conservatives). But then I remember what people like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin say and I just want them to stop fucking breeding.

 Facepalm; always applicable.

Today on TITCFTIHEH: Team Edward vs Team Jacob

For the uninitiated, Twilight started off as a series of books by Stephanie Meyer. It is about some shell of a teenager (Bella) who falls in love with a vampire (Edward) and a shape shifter/werewolf (Jacob). But seriously, if you haven't heard of Twilight, get out some more, or watch the news... just fuck, do something with other people. It has been extremely popular because of how it appeals teenage girls (and tweens? What a stupid name). It presents a teenage girl who is going through all the normal stuff teenage girls go through, so anyone can see themselves in that role. Then it presents ultra hot (and in the book they provide ultra detailed accounts of aforementioned hotness so chicks can smash themself over it or something) love interests. One being a vampire, the other being a shape shifter/werewolf thing (he is a werewolf, but can turn into a were wolf at any time, as opposed to only being in the full moon). In the movies these two males are played by ridiculously attractive (or so I hear) guys.

In the second movie these two are sort of fighting for Bella's love. In the first movie it was mostly Edward with a bit of Jacob in the mix, but in the second movie Edward leaves for a bit beacuse he totally bitched out, and Jacob gets in there for some A-Grade snatch. Twilight fans have thought it would be a good idea to put themselves into teams. Team Edward, and Team Jacob. The basic gist of the team thing is that they are both going for Bella, and probably also which one is the hottest. There are t-shirts you can buy and wear (and get laughed at by other people), and there are debates all over the internet. Just go and check out Yahoo Answers for some gold. There are literally hundreds of questions posted on the topic, with many replies in each. Here are a few from one page (I seriously could not put up with reading the sheer amount of absolute tripe that were on those pages).

book wormm. o_O. :) <33 says: "Team Edward Hands Down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jacob is such a jerk, kissing her against her will like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who does that but a total jerkkkkkk thats an esy question to answer, Edward EVERY time!!!!!!!!!"

Go with the flow says: "ITS SO HARD TO PICK! OK... WELL EDWARD DUH. BUT THEN I FEEL BAD FOR JACOB! EDWARD IS SO UNDERSTANDING AND ALL... AND JACOB CARES FOR HER FEELINGS. EDWARDS CARE FOR PROECTION."

I'm not exactly sure how stupider I got by reading that, but I'm pretty sure that I really do care about Rann's sexual life, and appreciate the amount of media coverage it has got. But seriously, why the fuck do they feel the need to spam the key that they are pressing at the time, or to use all caps. Do they think that typing like that will mean Edward will come out to their house and be all like, "yeah baby, i love your complete lack of literacy skills, let me insert my penis into your vagina, and then we can cuddle until the sun comes up".

Anyway, now for the crazy bit. Why the fuck are there are any people in Team Edward? Jacob is a mother fucking werewolf. Just let that sink in for a minute. He doesn't take cheek from anyone, and fucks shit up whenever he pleases. If you asked Jacob what the time was, he would rip you a new ballsack, and if you were a female, he would give you a ballsack, and then rip it right the fuck off. If you helped him out on the street, he would be so thankful that he would only eat your heart whilst you watch, rather than cutting your head off and making you watching whilst he shits down your neck.

The only good thing that comes to mind when I hear the word vampires is Kate Beckinsale in Underworld.

Mmm. I think I have a boner.

Other than that they seem like pansy bitches who suck blood. They would rather surrender than take out the trash. "Oh look at me, I suck blood and get killed by silver, garlic, something going through my heart, and when you look at me meanly. Please don't hurt me." Werewolves would come along and screw up their day so hard they would be able to write a thesis on how they actually twisted the space-time continuum from how much pain they put down on the vampires.

See this table for more scientific proof vampires are stupid, and werewolves are awesome.

Fuck yeah double negatives

So yeah. Werewolves are face-smashingly awesome, whilst vampires enjoy crying over the latest Oprah episode.


But seriously, it's pretty fucking gay. Balls touching gay.

Gayer than this. 

Edit: DISREGARD THAT. TWILIGHT SUCKS COCKS. LOL.

Today on TITCFTIHEH: Gang rape and America

Yes. Today we are talking about gang rape.

First, some people might need a bit of back story. So there is this place called America, it has an upper and lower house, called the Senate and House of Representatives respectively. A few things go on there; time is wasted, people yell and sometimes laws are proposed and passed. It is quite similar to Australia's Senate and House of Representatives.

They are also in the middle of two wars, one in Iraq, and one in Afghanistan. The government usually hires out private contractors to do certain jobs in the safer zones of these countries because their armed forces aren't large enough to do everything (not badass enough it seems).

Now the story starts.

In December 2007, Jamie Leigh Jones accused a group of firefighters of drugging and raping her in Iraq in 2005 (she was 19 at the time). They also apparently locked her in a shipping container for 24 hours without food or water. To quote a news article, "When she awoke the next morning still affected by the drug, she found her body naked and severely bruised, with lacerations to her vagina and anus, blood running down her leg, her breast implants ruptured and her pectoral muscles torn‚ which would later require reconstructive surgery. Upon walking to the rest room, she passed out again".

Reconstructive surgery? What the shit? You may be asking yourself, is this the crazy bit yet? Fuck no.

The woman in the centre of this gigantic fuck up.

So she got raped, there is a law against that right? A normal person would expect her to be able to sue the people responsible and get some kind of compensation (preferably their testicles). Wrong again fuck face. According to the fine print in her contract with KBR (formerly Kellogg Brown Root, who are a engineering (fuck yeah engineering), construction, and private military contractor), she could only use arbitration (From Wikipedia: Arbitration, a form of alternative dispute resolution, is a legal technique for the resolution of disputes outside the courts, wherein the parties to a dispute refer it to one or more persons, by whose decision they agree to be bound), and it blocked her attempt at proper legal action. Arbitration is some pussy form of court, for pussies that want to protect their arse, and not get buttraped by the media.

Woman gets raped. Contract blocks her from suing. This must be the crazy part? Wrong again, cockfag.

Enter white knight; Al Franken.

One sexy guy.

Al Franken is an ex Saturday Night Live (if you don't know what this is, look it up, and get out from under that rock) writer and performer who decided performing in the Senate would be a more enjoyable experience (bleeding from your rectum would be more enjoyable than being in politics... Saturday Night Live must have been pretty bad). He is a junior Senator from Minnesota, and only recently won his seat due to an extremely close vote. Opposition had a little cry, Supreme Court told him to go suck a fuck. Anyway...

He saw this story and thought it was pretty fucked up, so he proposed an amendment that would attempt to put a stop to this stupid fine print. The amendment basically states that private contractors can be barred from government contracts if their contracts disallow public legal action. This would mean that future Jamie Leigh Jones could get their day in court (this is a good thing, getting raped would be sadface).

If there was ever an amendment that would be totally bipartisan, and get total support, this should be one of them. This is a fucking anti-gang rape amendment. Surely it will get 100% of votes in the Senate. FUCKING WRONG.

This is the fucking crazy part. 30 Republican Senators voted against this amendment. THIRTY. More than 29, less than 31. It got passed 68-30. 30 Republican Senators approve of gang rape.

9 out of 10 people may enjoy gang rape, but 30 out of 40 Republican Senators approve of gang rape.

Oh Kanye, you so silly.

Most people know how crazy America is. Ranging from blubbering hate mongerers like Glenn Beck, to angry old drug addicts like Rush Limbaugh. These men are so fucking crazy that they make Bill O'Reilly look sane.

May or may not be real.

In a country where these A-Class fucktards are almost worshiped, should i really be surprised that 30 Senators (the motherfuckers that make the rules) voted against an anti-gang rape amendment? Probably not. But i am.

And that is the craziest fucking thing i have ever heard.

Sources: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/oct/15/defence-contractors-rape-claim-block
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/07/franken-gets-first-amendm_n_312399.html
Wikipedia

Today on TITCFTIHEH: Brett motherfucking Favre

Brett Lorenzo Favre, born October 10, 1969, is an American Football quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.

Yeah, you read correctly, he is 40 fucking years old.

This fucking guy.

Brett Favre plays in probably the most important position in NFL, quarterback. He is the one that gets the majority of the ball (not dick ball) in the game. He throws it around, and people catch it. You may be saying to yourself, big fucking deal, what's so crazy about this?

Think back to when your father or uncle or whatever was 40 years old, and imagine him playing professional sport. Now imagine him doing this.

He is the guy that gets the ball straight away, throws it like it has AIDS, and then blocks the absolute shit out of some 49er. See that guy doing all the badass stuff? Brett Favre.

Check out 39s to 50s. Is this guy on crack?

Here is a video of the highlights of that game.

Check it out at 1:00 and 3:27. 

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH? Did i just watch some 40 year old dude throw the winning pass in an NFL game with only seconds to go? Is this 40 year old dominating the crap out of players like this? I think so.

Feed me your unwanted children. Now.

Here is another video i found of him the following week.

Check out 3:06. Un. Fucking. Believable.

That is the craziest fucking thing i have ever seen.

Keep fucking that chicken.